Confessions of a former Hopeless Romantic Part II

I was a freshman in college, browsing through a print shop on Telegraph Ave in Berkeley, California when I first saw them. Awestruck, no, no that's not the word. Awestruck.  Mesmerized, yes that's the feeling washing over me right now. I remember and it still makes me smile. Okay more like blush! What was I wearing..hmmm..circa 1989...green plaid pants, green t-shirt..comfy, preppy..The GAP. Flipping, thumbing, browsing through images. My mission-bring some personality, style, "ME" to my humdrum dorm room.  17 years old, living on my own. Rules are mine for the making and breaking. It's my turn. I hold the reins, the paint brush, the teasing comb.  A blank canvas waiting for me..me. But who am I?

I'm searching for something that moves me. An object that expresses my inner self to the outer world. I turn and see them. How dare they distract me from my personal mission. Indignant, I avert my eyes. Don't they understand there is a time and place for everything. People are rushing by on their way to the office, to dinner, to pick up their children, to escape the streets, the crowds, each other but, they don't seem to notice. Moving, shopping, breathing, eating, chatting, hurrying along trying to keep time with the rhythm of their own lives. And there they are without a care in the world. Strangely intrigued yet slightly offended, I try not to pay attention. But they have enraptured me. Is it rude to stare? Guess it does not matter because they aren't paying attention to me anyway.

What is this I am feeling? A twinge of..no way couldn't be jealousy, longing maybe? I mean hello people..you are in public. Him, looking all cocky like, protective arm around her shoulder, his back to the world. Her, hands unclenched, shoulders relaxed, head back without a care in the world. And there they are kissing. Wait what was I here for I am all off kilter now. Oh yeah I was looking for what I love, what speaks to me, what defines who I am.

That is it.. I see it. I mean I really see it. It's beautiful, artistic and lovely. The contradictions so wonderfully captured. I've got to purchase this thing. I must possess it. Make it my own. It's perfect. This photograph (top of page) by Robert Doisneau was the first poster to adorn my walls. So young, naive and inexperienced and I choose a picture of lovers. Seems bizarre. I decorated that dorm room 20 years ago. And my my the lessons I have learned since then.

I am Jodi. I am fascinated by the glamour of the 40's and 50's and I think black and white photographs are tres chic. I am enamored with old movies but, find myself paying more attention to the outfits and hair as opposed to the story line. I prefer the word photograph over pic. I don't mind modest public displays of affection. I have come to appreciate the sincere protective arm of a self assured gentleman. You know the kind of man that makes you feel so secure that your hands unclench, you throw your hair to the wind and your shoulders relax. Makes me think of Terry McMillan's "Waiting to Exhale".  I have learned the POWER of an elegantly crafted stiletto, the right hue of red lipstick and a well developed vocabulary. A woman should wear her clothes and not the other way around. A well fitting dress can be used as a weapon or a target. I love the line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding when Toula's mother says "The man is the head but, the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head anyway she wants". Ladies you have more power than you realize. And now the kiss.

I leave you with this as you move about your life planning, organizing, achieving. STOP! Pay attention to the kisses you witness. Affection shared between lovers is only obvious of course. But, I am talking about the dew on a bud, a rain drop on a window, the sun on the water, a leaf falling to the ground, pen to paper, the sound of a baby's laughter, the wind in her hair, the smile on his face.

Be gentle, Be kind, Be blessed!