Dear Diary....

This is a difficult post to write. Maybe thoughts like this belong in a diary rather than in a blog. Are they so private and vulnerable that sharing them here may mean that you will learn to much about my personal life? But what about the countless people pondering these very same thoughts while feeling completely alone. Maybe my willingness to share well help someone else?

I've had this addiction to Hallmark Holiday movies this season. Not sure if it's my love of the holidays or the fact that I am a romantic at heart that causes me to spend hours watching. I sometimes think it may be the fact that in 1 hour and about 36 minutes give or take a few commercials, guy meets girl, something quirky happens and at the end, they live happily ever after. Holiday Romance is dreamy.

I often wish my love life could be set straight in 1 hour and 36 minutes. Love can be complicated at times. Our hearts and our heads war with each other. We wonder whether we are making the right choice. And rightfully so, what decision is more important than choosing a mate? Have I become so fearful that I use the whole "not settling" thing as a security blanket? I wonder if my needs can be met in a way that feels more right to me? Or have I complicated relationships to the point of no return? Oh the deep questions of love! Don't worry, I usually take a nap when my solitary head games too far. I usually find solace in the fact that in time, definitely longer than in 1 hour and 36 minutes, I'll find my way.

For now, I'm going to live by Brene Brown's words of wisdom from her recent blog post,I’ve decided to find my holiday magic in the mess; to practice love and gratitude with the special group of folks who keep showing up and loving me, not despite my vulnerabilities, but because of them."!

Life and love can be messy. I believe they are best practiced one moment at a time.

J~