Invite Me

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.~Anais Nin

So, I have read and reread this quote. Here I am staring at each letter, comma and pronoun trying to decipher its full meaning. Not wanting to infer more into the quote than Ms. Nin intended but, also not wanting to ignore the sentiment behind each character, I read it again.

1. "I, with deeper instinct..."-According to the online dictionary, the word instinct comes from the Latin word Instinctus which means Impulse. As I thought back to the beginning of some of my relationships, I can remember sitting across the table from a well intentioned potential suitor thinking, no he is not for me. That initial reaction was my natural gut feeling or impulse or instinct. It never failed that sometime during the course of dinner or coffee or the walk to my car, I would decidedly ignore the instinct and choose (I mean this literally) "hey, he's a nice guy, give 'em a chance". And then inevitably a month, 6 months or 1 year later, I look back over the hills and valleys of the relationship and cry out an "I told you so". When or where or from whom did I learn to just kinda go with the flow of my life. How easily I used to give up or give in because he said and did all of the right things or so I thought. 

2. "...choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent"; Wow! I have not crossed paths with too many women who are looking for this nor many men equipped to handle the job. When I first read this statement, I flinched at the idea of a man making enormous demands on me. What exactly does that mean? What would I be expected to do and become? I was really feeling like I can not in good faith mixed with the residue of past disappointments, consciously choose a man who makes enormous demands. But, then I read the quote again. This time, I saw beauty. The power I hold as a woman to choose a man who sees me. I mean really sees my strength, my courage and my toughness. A man who appreciates my life experiences and my opinions. How absolutely liberating...the thought of honoring my intuition by only giving my time and attention to a man who actually understands what it means to compel my strength. 

My strength, is an interesting little statement. So before I can celebrate the thought of choosing wisely, I must become fully aware and fully embrace this strength, courage and toughness. I must become very familiar with the core of me. Not too long ago, I truly believed that my strength came from the ability to maintain control. No way would I ever be in a position where I would allow someone, especially a man, to witness my vulnerability. No wonder these relationships were doomed to fail. I take responsibility in that I did not always allow the men in my past the opportunity to make an enormous demand on me. I approached these relationships with my guard intact like Roman battle gear. Swimming knee deep in equal amounts of self-pity and desperation, I became fearful of getting used or left or disappointed or rejected or disrespected. And I would remain in these varying degrees of partnerships until one or both of us left or disappointed or rejected or disrespected the other. And after several rounds of this dance, I grew weary. Maintaining control is a full time job!


Tired yet determined enough to seek answers, I began asking questions, seeking knowledge and desiring truth. In all of my asking, seeking, knocking, I happened upon a blog which in no uncertain terms, changed the course of my direction. I began studying the Art of Being Feminine. I am woman enough to admit that I had this whole male/female thing figured wrong! Instead of celebrating our differences and understanding that my power, my strength is rooted in my femininity, I became hell bent on doing it my way.

Please don't misunderstand, I am all for a woman handling her business by becoming self sufficient and self actualized. As matter of fact, growing into a well rounded and respected woman is not only your right but your responsibility. But somewhere along my journey of raising my son, a shift occured in my view of males. You see I USED to be a proud card carrying member of the Let's Empower Women By Emasculating The Men Society. I terminated my membership with that club once I had a revelation that I absolutely detest generalizations of any kind. All men are dogs. All men cheat. All men lie. All men are stupid. If my son is a male then one day he will grow into a man. And if everyone who grows into a man is a dog, cheats and lies then that would mean my son would be a lying' cheatin' dog. And once I rejected that idea, I made a choice from that day forward to evaluate each man individually based on the virtue of his character.

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.~Anais Nin

Therefore, I with this newly found appreciation, choose a man who compels, calls forth, invites my femininity. A man who makes enormous demands on me to be totally and completely my best self physically, spiritually and emotionally. A man who understands that demand is defined as 1. a requirement or need or 2. the state of being sought after according to the online dictionary. One who understands the power and necessity of pursuit.  A man who has faith in my courage and resilience to stand my ground and get the job done. A man who does not see me as naive or ignorant of what it takes to be a good woman of sound mind and judgement. A man who is wise enough to appreciate ALL OF MY softly powerful, modestly sexy and lovingly supportive WOMANLY SELF.