On the edge...My second lesson on my South African journey

For years, I avoided reading Eat, Pray, Love. I remember watching the author, Elizabeth Gilbert, share herstory on Oprah. Wavering between transfixed silence and cool irritation, I listened. No doubt, this world travellin', higher self seekin', lookin' for the sunny side of all things woman held my attention. Wow, what amazing experiences. Intrigued, I found that I could not turn the channel. But, what was this raw feeling creeping up from the pit of my stomach to my throat? Anger, jealousy, bitterness, hopelessness? Anger, jealousy, bitterness, hopelessness, um No and no and no! In that moment, I was challenged. It was almost as if, Liz turned to the camera, looked me in the eye and double dared me to go and discover. Inaudibly, I argued 'yeah but you went to Italy, Bali and India...that's huge and far and bigger than life'. Some time later, she replied (via audio book):

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings."

This quote spoke to me. It re-ignited my passion for travel, my desire to soak up global cultures and my quest to blossom into my best self. There is something powerful about listening to an author read her work. Each moment was told with so much vivid emotion, I felt like I was there. A sign of a great author I guess.... the ability to transport your readers through time and space.

As I shared in my previous blog, my desire to experience South Africa began about 25 years ago. Several times over the course of my life, gentle reminders would breeze by and fan the flame. None as powerful of course as crossing paths with a now dear friend. He, pretty much single-handedly, changed all of my pre-conceived notions about Africa, Apartheid and my (in)ability to drive a manual car on the opposite side of the road, using my left hand to shift. Four years ago, I planned to visit this friend in Johannesburg but, things just didn't work out. My trip was postponed. 

Another significant event happened during a customer service training. The presenter was from SA. Listening to her, I decided that one day, I would go to Capetown and have a moment with God on the beach. I could already feel what it was going to be like. Sunny day, nice breeze, overwhelming presence of Spirit and me, in my most prayerful state ever. Yep, that was my plan. So time progressed. Neatly tucked away, I kept this South African dream alive in my heart.

Fast forward to a few months ago. In the midst of settling on dates for a Spring 2011 trip to Paris, France, I posted the following Janos Arany quote on Facebook: "In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities". A response to this posting was all it took. I will never stop being amazed by the power of words and technology. Suddenly, and I mean that literally, I found myself researching, confirming and booking a trip to Africa. It seemed to come out of nowhere, kind of random but, I know better than that. Once, I received my confirmation email from KLM Airlines, I thought about a line of poetry quoted in Eat, Pray, Love. You remember, the book, I avoided.

"God long ago drew a circle in the sand exactly around the spot where you are standing right now". Gilbert continues by writing "I was never not coming here. This was never not going to happen". Like the proverbial ton of bricks, it hit me, I was always coming here. Long before, I planned it. Experiencing South Africa is part of my journey.

So here I am, sitting on the left hand(passenger) side of my friend's car, staring out at the ocean on my way to an undisclosed location. We are actually driving on the tip of Africa!!!! I am so fully present, that I try to think if there is somewhere else in the world I would rather be and nope...nowhere. This is it. We arrive. African Penguins (yes, real live) witness our trek down the pathway to Boulder's Beach. I am staring out to the Atlantic, mesmerized by the beauty of the Cape. How serene and surreal. I stand alone.

I am thrilled, overjoyed, and bewildered because I also feel sad. Yes, sad, you know, the opposite of happy. Please don't be mislead in thinking that an incredible trip is solely comprised of everything going my way. Life is forged by push and pull. Truthfully, I began feeling engulfed by a gray cloud. Aren't emotions funny? I mustered up all of my usual positive self talk. Didn't work. Tried to pin point the source of the sadness. Got nothing! My solution was to return to my happy place through prayer. Yes, that's it. This will be that great spiritual moment I have longed for. Crickets! You know that silence illustrated in movies...just me and crickets. I felt cheated. Where is my pre-planned, mind altering, Moses, Abraham, and Isaac experience? Internally, I'm so confused. Externally, I have successfully (I think) maintained my game face. We move on to the next destination. Which for the record, blew me away. But, that is another post for another time.

I flew back to America still unable to understand why I would travel thousands of miles to my dream vacation which seemed more like my homeland, and not have this great spiritual encounter. UNTIL(pause for dramatics sake)....I read the April issue of O Magazine this week. Out of habit, I skipped to my favorite feature 'What I Know For Sure'. Which can always be found at the end. This month's theme is on poetry. While sitting at a beautiful location on the island of Fiji, Oprah sends an email to a poet friend inquiring about the inspiration for his work. Mark Nepo's response is priceless and changed my perspective.


You Ask About Poetry
You ask from an island so far away
it remains unspoiled. To walk quietly
till the miracle in everything speaks
is poetry. You want to look for poetry
in your soul and in everyday life, as you
search for stones on the beach. Four
thousand miles away, as the sun ices
the snow, I smile. For in this moment,
you are the poem. After years of looking,
I can only say that searching for
small things worn by the deep is
the art of poetry. But listening
to what they say is the poem. 

There I was standing on the tip of Africa, in the presence of Almighty God and a man who revolutionized my perception of the world. My hope is that you grasp the power of those words. Go back and read it again if necessary.

That was my great spiritual moment. That was the manifestation of my prayer, of my faith and my dream. Me, standing on the edge, was the manifestation. Though at the time, I did not recognize, my prayers were answered in such a profound way. And now I will be eternally grateful. I will always remember what it feels like to be the prayer and the poem.  

Cheers,
J~

The Art of Receiving...My first lesson on my South African Journey

South African Flag

My voyage to South Africa conjured a flurry of emotion. With all of my senses engaged, I often just stood there paralyzed by the beauty of the moment. My experience was a gift and over my next few blog entries, I will attempt to translate my thoughts into words.....

According to Acts 20:35, "...It is better to give than receive". Give of your time, your resources, your money and yourself because it is good and right and virtuous to do so. There is a certain satisfaction earned through giving. Whether it be the devoted gratitude of the receiver or the moral kudos required by the ego or the drive to become a good person, giving plays a central role in the human experience. Sharing is caring after all, right?

I remember a few years back actually, more like a decade ago, I was new to single motherhood. A co-worker would occasionally pull me aside on her way out the door. This Angel disguised as a woman, would press money into my hands at the end of our day. I would always say "Oh no please, keep your money. Things are tight for everyone". She would repeatedly say "You must take it. This is a gift". Reluctantly, I would accept the offering. I hesitated because 1. I knew it was better to give than to receive and 2. I was uncomfortable with receiving. One day as I was profusely refusing the money, she in a very stern tone, took control of the situation. With her feet firmly planted, she squared her shoulders and looked me right in the eye. What she shared next would change my perspective on giving. She made it very clear that every time I refused her money, I was being selfish..Me, selfish by not taking her money??? What?!? I became a bit indignant explaining that I don't expect her to just give and I understand things are tight everywhere. "Every time you refuse to receive, you stop my river of blessings from flowing. The only way I can continue to receive is by giving. That is a spiritual law..so please Jodi..open your hands and allow me to bless you so my river continues to flow. There will come a time when you will become the giver, and maybe only then you will understand the flow of the river".

On that day, I made an agreement with myself to pay it forward. Over the next few years, I gave my time, my money, my talents and my resources. I gave because I desired to do so. And I gave because I wanted to do the right thing. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I became Mother Theresa by any stretch of the imagination. I simply became more comfortable with giving, doing, creating and planning than I did with receiving. I learned to make things happen for myself and others...big things, small things and everything in between.

Basically, I missed the whole point of my human angel's words of wisdom. But thank God for second, third and 13th chances. As I prepared for my journey, several friends offered bon voyage well wishes. Those who know me very well said things like "Jo, don't try to control everything..just relax and trust that whatever happens is supposed to happen. Be open and enjoy". Several years ago (um who am I kidding..more like months ago), I would have cringed at the mention of me trying to control anything...talk about denial!! But thank God for small and not so small miracles. I am learning to let go...slowly but surely learning to relinquish and surrender. I should have known life would present a test to monitor my progress in this area.

On my 21 hour flight across several continents, I had plenty of time to imagine all I might possibly do. Quieting my thoughts long enough to catch a few hours of sleep proved nearly impossible. I am certain the flight attendants could hear my heart beating. A near 25 year old dream would finally be realized. At 14 years old, while sitting at lunch at Marymount High school in Los Angeles, Caifornia I declared that one day I would travel to South Africa. And now I find myself landing in Capetown.

What happens from that moment until now is so overwhelming, so well orchestrated by God and man, so memorable and so personal that sharing details in a blog seems almost sacrilegious. But, I can't leave you in suspense so, I will describe it in the following way...I saw fog roll back while standing on a mountain top, just so I could witness night time city lights. A glorious sunset of the most brilliant orange, yellow and red hues was hand delivered on a platter while I sipped red wine paired with a divine piece of chocolate.
Waves of gratitude washed over me as I relaxed in a thatch roofed tent wearing a plush robe as I received Neo Maota (traditional royal African foot scrub and massage). On this trip, I was pampered and challenged. I was protected and exposed. And I was vulnerable and strong. Absolutely every moment was a gift, a lesson, an opportunity to grow in new and deeper ways.

I received. With a grateful heart, I made every effort to surrender to each moment. My South African life was selflessly, generously and lavishly bestowed upon me. My only requirement..To RECEIVE. At times, I did not comprehend the beauty of this gift. Now I am beginning to understand. Receiving is an art. I am humbled, honored and eternally grateful.