Vulnerability...capable of being physically or emotionally wounded

Normally, my need to blog will come from some inspired word or deed. Today, feels a bit different. I am not writing from some place where the lesson has been learned and neatly compressed into a colorful display of paragraphs. I am in the passenger seat tonight so let's see where this goes.

I have resumed my workout this month. I am so focused on becoming whole that I so don't care who sees me in my bathing suit as I move from the locker room to the pool. I pay no mind to the other swimmers in the lanes next to me or the group of men chatting loudly in the spa. My determination to create a healthy self overrides my fear of exposure and my need to hide my unfit self. My vision of what I want supercedes my need to be in control of other's opinions, perceptions and judgements.

Yes, I want it that bad!

Vulnerability is an interesting word. A noun. Just thinking about it gives me a little flutter in the pit of my stomach. Somewhere along my life's time line, I grabbed hold of the reins, white knuckled it and threw caution to the wind. Determining (I assume) that life is much better relying on myself. I am in control in the driver's seat. Miss Independent! So yea, I'm the driver, the trip planner, the navigator, the cost estimator, gas purchaser, window washer, tire pressure checker and dialer to AAA (or my brother) when I get a flat. As the driver I am in control..but, of what??

There is a strength in vulnerability. "You know what..I am just gonna move from the driver seat to the passenger seat now" I say to my friend Veronica last week. SHOCKING!!!! Scary, um no more like TERRIFYING!!! But, I have reached a point where my need to control is no longer a need. My desire to release the steering wheel, slide over to the passenger side like those girls in the old movies and simply enjoy the ride cancels my need to run things. Being vulnerable is not a bad thing. Yes, I am capable of being wounded but, I am also opening myself to experiencing an incredible blessing. Imagine the view from the passenger side. No need to check the rear view, put on the blinkers or monitor the gas gauge. Top down, feet on the dash, hair in the wind, hand out the window singing an old 'Retha Franklin song.

Puts a smile on my face....With the all of the possibilities and capabilities of being wounded, I just sit back and enjoy the ride...and the company!