Free to be me!

Happy Independence Day! I'm back...

I love having the freedom of choice, free will. I get to choose how to spend my time, my life and my money. Sometimes I don't think we even realize how truly free we are. It's amazing to think that even God Himself gives us the power of choice.

So here I am relaxing on the couch this 4th of July in the year of our Lord two thousand and fifteen. And guess what? That's what I'm choosing to do in this very moment-relax. Ahhhh the peace-home alone, cup of coffee and the TV remote all to my self.

I'm grateful today for the men and women who serve and have served our beautiful country. I'm thankful I get to worship the God of my choice. And I'm overjoyed to have made the decision to indulge in a bit of rest today. I'm actively practicing the art of doing nothing.

See all of that laundry and my house that obviously needs to be cleaned? Ive decided to put that off until later. For now I select the couch, to savor my cup of coffee in a pretty mug, and to read my new Artful Blogging mag. My heart is filled with serenity, calm and peace. Now in my mind-thats true freedom!

Enjoy your holiday doing what you love with those you love. And may you always be free being authentically you.

Lovingly,
Jodi

Welcoming the New Year

My first post of the year! It took me 26 days to sit down at the computer and transform my thoughts into words.

I have always been very hard on myself. I practice self-criticism. I'm so comfortable in it just like an old sweater. Even when I may want to put on something new I tend to resort to the familiar. I find myself pairing self-criticism with worry. They compliment one another pretty well. And because they have accompanied me for so long, I stopped noticing them. And that's when I realized I was in deep trouble.

By the way, may I remind you that I named myself jodisjoy on several social media sites. Yes, I ramble off feel good quotes and positive words all day even, while wearing my old sweater of "not enough". It's much easier to encourage others.

The day I Googled Chronic Fatigue Syndrome proved to be a sign that change is necessary. Simply, purely, completely and utterly exhausted, I knew I was done! Initially this too worried me. Who has time for exhaustion? I need to get more done at work, take on extra duties, ensure my son graduates on time, pay all of the bills, grow spiritually, create meaningful relationships, stay positive, cook dinner, enjoy life, inspire others, counsel my friends, accept invitations to 1,001 events, read self-help books, lose weight, save money, make it to dance class, develop my blog, build a name on Twitter, take more photos for Instagram, learn to use Facebook for marketing. No wonder I feel this way.

I think "just relax and do nothing" and swiftly follow that with "ain't nobody got time for that"!








This morning as I sat on my couch half watching TV and half staring into a space of nothing, I felt panic try to overtake me. "You should be mopping your floors. You've been home all weekend and you've gotten nothing done". I said a little prayer and immediately the still small voice within reminded me "It's your time to rest. You are exactly where you are supposed to be, doing exactly what you are supposed to do. All is well"! A sweet peace and a beautiful comfort came over me. To celebrate, I took a nap.

"The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace."
~Psalms 29:11

P.S. Other than one trip to the grocery store, I have been in my house since Thursday night with my phone on silent. Bliss!

Jodi

Dear Diary....

This is a difficult post to write. Maybe thoughts like this belong in a diary rather than in a blog. Are they so private and vulnerable that sharing them here may mean that you will learn to much about my personal life? But what about the countless people pondering these very same thoughts while feeling completely alone. Maybe my willingness to share well help someone else?

I've had this addiction to Hallmark Holiday movies this season. Not sure if it's my love of the holidays or the fact that I am a romantic at heart that causes me to spend hours watching. I sometimes think it may be the fact that in 1 hour and about 36 minutes give or take a few commercials, guy meets girl, something quirky happens and at the end, they live happily ever after. Holiday Romance is dreamy.

I often wish my love life could be set straight in 1 hour and 36 minutes. Love can be complicated at times. Our hearts and our heads war with each other. We wonder whether we are making the right choice. And rightfully so, what decision is more important than choosing a mate? Have I become so fearful that I use the whole "not settling" thing as a security blanket? I wonder if my needs can be met in a way that feels more right to me? Or have I complicated relationships to the point of no return? Oh the deep questions of love! Don't worry, I usually take a nap when my solitary head games too far. I usually find solace in the fact that in time, definitely longer than in 1 hour and 36 minutes, I'll find my way.

For now, I'm going to live by Brene Brown's words of wisdom from her recent blog post,I’ve decided to find my holiday magic in the mess; to practice love and gratitude with the special group of folks who keep showing up and loving me, not despite my vulnerabilities, but because of them."!

Life and love can be messy. I believe they are best practiced one moment at a time.

J~

Merry Christmas 2013

It is early Christmas morning. The house is still, dark and quiet. I appreciate these times. My son is nearly 18, there is no more rushing downstairs first thing in the morning to tear open packages. The season has changed.

So as I type in my darkened room, I am reflecting on the high and lows, sadness and joys, traditions and changes of 2013.

Have you ever played the high/low game? It is often played around the family dinner table. Each member takes a turn sharing the high and the low of that day.
The exercise fosters great discussions, creates meaningful connections and allows parents to keep their finger on the heartbeat of their children.

Let's play! Here are my highs and lows of 2013. Starting with my lows because I like ending on a high note, no pun intended lol!

Lows:
1. Experienced some moments early in the year where I felt a sense of loss and disconnection mainly from myself. 
2. I worried a lot about how this bill would get paid or that need would get met?
3. I held a grudge for several weeks that strained some very important friendships

Highs:
1. Started the year full of expectant hope and I am ending it that same way
2. Committed to exercising regularly. I chose dance as my form of physical activity
3. Read books and started a soul searching book club.
4. Traveled to Louisiana and witnessed a big beautiful Creole wedding
5. Drank good wine while partying with great friends or was that great wine with good friends?
6. Listened to live music including Amazing Grace sung in Choctaw
7. Surrounded myself with brilliantly bright souls who inspire me
8. Laughed...a lot,  and cried some (I love a good cry)
9. Captured sunrises and sunsets, trees and oceans
10. Celebrated births
11. Coordinated a family trip to Vegas
12. Sipped tea
13. Brewed pots of fresh coffee nearly everyday week day for my coworkers
14. Made new friends including one I have enjoyed dating
15. Learned to make my Nana's bread pudding
16. Hosted tea parties for my nieces
17. Lost weight (speaking of which, I need to watch these holiday cookies and get back to dance)
18. Developed a new appreciation for my natural curls
19. Hosted dinner parties
20. Thanked God every time a bill was paid and the needs were met.
21. Experienced a deeper level of joy and contentment in my life once I decided that self-love rather than self-criticism would be my lens
22. Forgave others and myself so that I can live at peace
23. Began planning some 2014 getaways
24. Became active on Twitter which revolutionized my life. Even got retweeted by Oprah...twice!
And one of my greatest highs of 2013 is the decision I made just a few short weeks ago to...
25. Revamp, refresh, restart, renew my blog. I connect through words. Writing is my therapy, my outlet, my creativity, my joy and my passion!

Thankful for this year. Thankful for all of you. Looking forward to a beautifully blessed New Year!

Nachitoches, Louisiana

Merry Christmas and remember for every low, you will experience multiple highs!

J~

Weeknight reflection

Just thought I'd share a quick note with you. Life can be completely overwhelming at times. Between the bills, parenting, work and the holidays, it can absolutely feel like at any moment the world will fall if it's axis. As I drove home tonight after a very long day I looked up to the sky pleading with all of Heaven to send immediate reprieve. I could only think of was one verse. "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want". I repeated it over and over for about 8 miles. I repeated it until I actually believed what I have recited 100's of times.

After stopping at the grocery store, I walked into the house, kicked off my heels and quickly made dinner. Kitchen half way cleaned, laundry still unfolded on the love seat, I decide to sit down. 

Life gets crazy hectic at times. Sometimes I just want to keep driving that 15 freeway North and hideout in a cool, dark hotel room and just sleep for three or four days. But, what I know for sure is that somehow, someway. God comes in and restores my soul even in the midst of the storm. 

I'm just gonna lay here in my nearly dark living room and cast my cares on Him because He cares for me.

God bless,

J~