A little Christmas Hope

It all started with a Facebook post by my friend Dawn. There I was, just scrolling along reading remnants of peaceful wishes to Nelson Mandela, selfies and of course the usual photos of puppies and Starbuck's Holiday Drinks when I came across her photo of decorated gingerbread men. Because I could tell the treats were home made I moved my hand to send that almost obligatory sweet gesture of clicking "like". Until I saw how many comments were posted on that photo and thought let me read, fully engage, understand what Dawn is sharing."Ok! Gingerbread Men finished! Now, we're having a contest. Vote please!!! Pick your favorite. #1 starting on the left, #4 being on the right. And the winner DOES get a prize"! Wow, what a fabulous family event. Nothing like a little healthy competition. People actually voted and shared why they favored a particular gingerbread man. For the record, I chose #3 because it's whimsical, creative and has all kinds of craziness going on. :-)
Continuing on my FB journey, I come across a post from my dear friend Freida. She shared how her exhausted husband walked into their home after working really long hours this week to the warm embrace of his three children and their cray cray cat in the Christmas Tree.

I couldn't help but smile as I read these updates. The smile surprisingly came naturally. This is the time where I write my confession so if you're not comfortable with the ugly, messy truth, log out now. I, @jodisjoy, have been struggling with joy this season. Last year at this time, I vowed that Christmas 2013 would be different. I would make regular deposits into my holiday account to ensure that I could create the kind of Christmas I've always dreamed. I didn't plan on talking about or stressing over money as I figure out how to meet the bills and provide gifts for my son. I said that I would refuse to look longingly at the presents my friends' were buying and receiving because next year would be somehow better. Well, it's not quite happening like I envisioned. Isn't life funny that way? Seems to be the norm now, things seem a bit more unpredictable. Life often bullies its way through us like a tornado in the Midwest picking and choosing when and where it wreaks havoc. Maybe you can relate?

 We've all read the stories on how Jesus is the reason for the season and America is going to hell because we've  commercialized and capitalized on His birth. But, I am past the point of cliche feel good stories. No one can hand you joy as well intentioned as they may be. Joy comes from within and as I read those Facebook posts, I knew that I must dive deep, touch bottom and spring forth in gratitude. I took my sorrow, made it and myself a cup of coffee, lit candles, turned on Christmas music and conjured up every ounce of joyful hope within. I swept, scrubbed and mopped my house as my insides were being refreshed by the scents and sounds of the season.
I looked over and saw my tree. Congrats dear reader, you've made it this far in my sharing so you must be able to handle the truth. Brace yourself, here comes another. I rarely purchase a tree. Years of choosing between a tree or just one more present for my son, left our home decoration-less during the holidays. Now, I don't want to give the impression that we are destitute by any means. God has graciously blessed us over the years with more than enough. I just think telling the truth is healing. It bridges the gap and shines the light. I believe when I share wholeheartedly, I am truthfully known. And isn't that the whole point of life? I'm simply sharing my heart with you.

This is my tree.

I accompanied my parents and brother to the store last night and had no intentions of walking out with a tree. My heart lept because just the fact that I was bringing a tree home meant that I did fulfill my goal. I was so overwhelmed in fact that I went to the bathroom and cried. Don't tell my family because I cleaned up my face before I rejoined them. As small of a thing as that may seem, this Christmas is already different than the last. My original plan was not to write this blog until I could show you the tree all nicely decorated but that didn't sit right with me. Life, like my favorite gingerbread man can be whimsical, messy and all kinds of crazy. It may not look like our neighbors', sister's, parents', pastors' but nevertheless, it is ours for the creating.






This is my family

and it is the first time (nearly 18 years) I am allowing myself to not to hide in the over arching safety of my extended family. God has been good to me and my son, gracious, giving, forgiving and loving. He continually gifts us with compassion and strength.

And He has blessed us to be a part of this family...

This year my heart aches for the broken hearted and the downtrodden, for those who lost loved ones and can't seem to make their way back to joy. To those of you I say, keep swimming better yet, turn around and let whatever goodness that comes your way carry you to a brighter day. Like Macy's says...Believe!

J~

La Louisianne

A recent trip to Natchitoches, pronounced /na’-ka-tosh/, hurled me right back into a longing for all things Louisiana. I have come to believe that there is something in the land, the air or maybe even the water that seeps down into the blood stream and no matter how far away one moves, it pulls you back. My family's roots run deep in that land just like the trees lurking down in the Bayou. I am a Cali girl by birth but a Louisianan at heart.

I met new people during that trip. We chit chatted a bit about surnames, parishes and gumbo. Maybe we were just making small talk, you know the way strangers sort of feel each other out. I'd like to think we were similar to artisans at a loom weaving our stories like threads of a tapestry. Somewhere in our intersecting it was suggested we all (mostly unrelated women) take a leap of faith and mass migrate to Louisiana. What? Seriously?

My sister and I returned home excited to present this idea to our parents. We conjured up all the pros we could to convince them to run with the dream. They listened intently with a smiles and said "what about flooding, hurricanes and the humidity?". Our Dad was born in NOLA so we did not feel qualified as Los Angelinas to argue against him. Heck, who doesn't remember the horrors of Katrina? In spite of the fear, the dream remains.

I am a researcher. I love learning, seeking, asking. So I did. I set aside some one on one time with my favorite search engine just to see what's out there. I came across homes that spoke to my soul, sparked creativity and whispered softly of good times to come. I shared my treasures with my family uncertain if the architecture that makes me swoon would even peak their interest. I prepared them by laying out my disclaimer "It's pricey but, this is what I love". My dad's face lit up when he saw the Creole Cottages. What came out of my father's mouth next inspired me in ways I have kept secret until now.

"We can sing one song to pay for that", he exclaimed! I dared not ruin his excitement by responding with some silly remark about how I can't, don't or won't sing. Instead, I thought, what is my song? Or rather, how do I express creativity? He is a musician, that is his talent, so naturally he thinks in melody. The scripture Proverbs 18:16 "Your gift will make room for you. It will bring you before great people" landed gently on my heart. Wow, what a sweet revelation! It is our right, our responsibility to cultivate our gifts. We are all blessed with some ability that we are to generously share with the world. We tend to put down the thing that was designed to create our way and pick up those things that burden our back. It is time for us to take inspiration, motivation and determination by the hand and allow them to lead the way into our bright beautiful futures.

"The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.” 

~Maya Angelou

There is an audience for every gift,

J~

Unleashing the greatness within

I'm in a transitional time in my life. I am the parent of a high school Senior. I have no other children. Soon I will no longer be tied to a school district or someone else's schedule. Gently yet swiftly, my life is unfolding right before my eyes. During this season, he and I both have the opportunity to spread our wings a bit further. When the Mama Eagle nudges her baby out of the nest, not only is she encouraging her offspring to fly, she has now liberated herself to take flight. She is free from carrying anyone else.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit it is a bit frightening. But, I do believe that it is the type of scary that naturally accompanies the most wonderful opportunities. I'm glad I'm learning that courage is not the absence of fear but rather, the moving in spite of. So, here I am walking towards an open door wondering where this part of my journey will take me yet, fully confident that life is about to get really good. What are my next steps? What is my plan? 

I woke up this morning from a very interesting dream. I was attending a conference, a sort of book club to discuss Daring Greatly with the author Brene Brown. All manner of craziness also took part in said dream like a child's broom, a reference to a garage door and a rather lively parade in New Orleans. I need more time to make sense of those things. Daring greatly however, speaks to me. I own the book and am currently about half way through. Busyness has caused me to put it down. Guess it's time to pick it back up.

I recently read that sometimes it's not so much what happens in a dream but the feelings we carry during its scenes. I felt hopeful, inspired, creative and on the brink of something really great. Aha, I felt like I was in the throws of Daring Greatly. I am in the arena of my life unsure of what success will come my way yet, inspired by the fact that I am relentlessly participating in the manifestation of my own joy as spoken of in Eat, Pray, Love. I am the Master of my fate, I am the Captain of my soul as Hensley so eloquently states in Invictus. And thus I have no choice but to ponder Mary Oliver's poetic question "Tell me (Jodi, feel free to insert your name), what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”.

For today, only today, in this present moment, my answer is that I will dare to create my bliss, my joy, the life of my dreams. I will show up as my whole self even when my self feels broken and shattered. I will answer life's call with "here I am, choose me. I am willing to dare greatly". Sometimes daring greatly looks like taking my nieces to a tea party, reaching out to a hurting friend, showing up to that art class or dancing with total abandon. Daring greatly is a way to Thanks-live rather than just Thanks-give. Daring Greatly is simply being all of myself.

It means that I show up ready to do the work. Ready to love. Ready to spread joy. Ready to create peace. Daring greatly always begins within.

How will you dare greatly during this Holiday Season? How will you show up in your own life?

Peace and blessings,
J~

Simply The Best

Photo:TinaTuner.com

A few months ago, I tuned into Oprah's Next Chapter as she interviewed the Queen of Louboutin's, Ms. legs herself, Tina Turner. I was expecting to hear how she moved on from Ike long ago and made peace with her past as a victim of domestic violence. I just knew they would show clips of her belting out "Simply the Best" and "Proud Mary" as she shimmied across the stage. What I wasn't prepared for was the moment she said "I needed to love".

I handled it when Ms. Turner proudly exclaimed "These are the glory days. This. Now". Maybe that rattled some of your cages? How could this legend who made her fortune shaking, dancing and singing hang up her heels and retire in Switzerland? I didn't need to ask myself that question. She was born, she dove head first into a brilliantly creative career and she gave it her all. I get that. But this idea she presented, the idea of needing to love rocked me to the core.

So without drawing any immediate conclusions, I simply watched the end of the interview as I turned that statement over and over again in my mind. How does that resonate with me? With everything she shared why does this admittance "need to love" push buttons? Smiling as I type, thinking of how I used to fear delving into the deep questions.

We've been taught that love in any relationship is measured by how deeply the other person cares for us through the giving of things. In romantic relationships this translates to the size of the gifts, trips, a home(s), the diamonds. In return we often reward or entice through favors. We are looking for what we can get. This idea of "needing to love" flips the coin. It is declaring, deciding, choosing to enter relationship because WE need to love. This is a game changer.

I met a 9 year old girl recently, who greets everyone with a shy yet inviting smile, open arms and an enormous heart. She radiates love. I know it may seem like I'm digressing, I promise it will come full circle. Someone asked her "why are you just so sweet and so loving?". She shrugged her shoulders unsure of how to respond, possibly even wondering am I supposed to answer that? I pulled her close to me and ever so gently whispered into her ear hoping it would seep deep down into her heart "The next time someone asks you that, tell them this: It is because I have a lot of love in my heart. I'm well loved so I can give that to others". With a huge grin, she wrapped both arms around me and squeezed tightly.
I pointed out my parents, siblings, nieces and cousins, showing her that I am also surrounded by lots of love.          
And then it clicked.

I had been waiting for, searching for, hoping for someone to just love me. Yes, I would love them back for loving me of course. But, I didn't fully grasp that my first purpose, my full purpose, is to give love. I was born for connection, made to share, designed to nurture. I NEED to give love. In that moment, I began to demonstrate this subtle yet powerful shift in perspective. I infused love into the people in my life and things changed. Love was all around me. I learned to abide in it, bask in it, exude it and it came back to me in a deeper way than I have ever known.

I became bold in love, comfortable with declaring I need to love.

Now I understand why it is better to give than to receive. In my giving I get doubly blessed. Blessed by the freedom to express my whole heart and then blessed by the love that is returned to me. As I radiate love, love can't help but find me.








YOU SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE
LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS
~Simply The Best, Tina Turner

Photo:Soletschat.net

love & blessings,
J~

Reinventing Me

True Confessions, remember that show? Well, here is my chance to come clean. I have a terrible habit of starting and stopping just about everything. There, I said it. Now it is out there for the world to know. What's that line? The first step towards fixing the problem is admitting you have one. I don't know, something like that. I am the self-appointed queen of the "paraphrase".

So anyway, let's cut to the chase. I've been inspired to blog again. To pick up the pen and put it to paper or rather open up my laptop and stroke some keys. I love expressing myself, always have. Just ask my parents who patiently listened, or at least pretended to, as I expounded on how to correct all of the ills of my siblings, our neighborhood and of course the world. My favorite topic to talk about you ask? Even if you didn't, I am going to tell you. Love! I mean what else is there really? Somewhere and somehow, everything boils down to Love. And love involves relationship whether that be with oneself, your sister, your mother or that object of your affection who either may or may not know you exist.

I have a story, stories to tell about my adventures with love, relationships, heartbreak, sorrow and joy. I have had moments where I felt I could never break free from the grips of perpetual aloneness. And I have had times of a joy so pure, I was sure I had seen the opening of Heaven. All of these experiences were always tied to love and relationship.

Here, today, this 3rd day of August in the year of our Lord two thousand and thirteen, I recommit myself to sharing my heart, thoughts, ramblings with all of you. Yes, it did require me to go formal with the year and all of that jazz mostly because I want it to be official and legitimate. Hmmm, I wonder if there is some deep seeded issue under all of that need to validate myself? I'll ponder that later.

Welcome to my blog, aptly titled "jodi's joy" because if one thing I have learned in my 41 years of life, we can not know true joy unless we are familiar with it's opposite.  I am grateful today. Grateful for the opportunity to begin again. Thanks for accompanying me on this journey, pull up a chair, subscribe so you don't miss one juicy detail and tell a friend. Oh and you may want to buckle up your seatbelt because through all of this love, heartbreak, joy stuff, I am developing an incredible courage to tell the truth, the whole truth,  and nothing but the truth, so help me God. And that my friends, is down right, hard core, scary liberating!!

Wishing you joy,

Jodi