Simply The Best

Photo:TinaTuner.com

A few months ago, I tuned into Oprah's Next Chapter as she interviewed the Queen of Louboutin's, Ms. legs herself, Tina Turner. I was expecting to hear how she moved on from Ike long ago and made peace with her past as a victim of domestic violence. I just knew they would show clips of her belting out "Simply the Best" and "Proud Mary" as she shimmied across the stage. What I wasn't prepared for was the moment she said "I needed to love".

I handled it when Ms. Turner proudly exclaimed "These are the glory days. This. Now". Maybe that rattled some of your cages? How could this legend who made her fortune shaking, dancing and singing hang up her heels and retire in Switzerland? I didn't need to ask myself that question. She was born, she dove head first into a brilliantly creative career and she gave it her all. I get that. But this idea she presented, the idea of needing to love rocked me to the core.

So without drawing any immediate conclusions, I simply watched the end of the interview as I turned that statement over and over again in my mind. How does that resonate with me? With everything she shared why does this admittance "need to love" push buttons? Smiling as I type, thinking of how I used to fear delving into the deep questions.

We've been taught that love in any relationship is measured by how deeply the other person cares for us through the giving of things. In romantic relationships this translates to the size of the gifts, trips, a home(s), the diamonds. In return we often reward or entice through favors. We are looking for what we can get. This idea of "needing to love" flips the coin. It is declaring, deciding, choosing to enter relationship because WE need to love. This is a game changer.

I met a 9 year old girl recently, who greets everyone with a shy yet inviting smile, open arms and an enormous heart. She radiates love. I know it may seem like I'm digressing, I promise it will come full circle. Someone asked her "why are you just so sweet and so loving?". She shrugged her shoulders unsure of how to respond, possibly even wondering am I supposed to answer that? I pulled her close to me and ever so gently whispered into her ear hoping it would seep deep down into her heart "The next time someone asks you that, tell them this: It is because I have a lot of love in my heart. I'm well loved so I can give that to others". With a huge grin, she wrapped both arms around me and squeezed tightly.
I pointed out my parents, siblings, nieces and cousins, showing her that I am also surrounded by lots of love.          
And then it clicked.

I had been waiting for, searching for, hoping for someone to just love me. Yes, I would love them back for loving me of course. But, I didn't fully grasp that my first purpose, my full purpose, is to give love. I was born for connection, made to share, designed to nurture. I NEED to give love. In that moment, I began to demonstrate this subtle yet powerful shift in perspective. I infused love into the people in my life and things changed. Love was all around me. I learned to abide in it, bask in it, exude it and it came back to me in a deeper way than I have ever known.

I became bold in love, comfortable with declaring I need to love.

Now I understand why it is better to give than to receive. In my giving I get doubly blessed. Blessed by the freedom to express my whole heart and then blessed by the love that is returned to me. As I radiate love, love can't help but find me.








YOU SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE
LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS
~Simply The Best, Tina Turner

Photo:Soletschat.net

love & blessings,
J~

Reinventing Me

True Confessions, remember that show? Well, here is my chance to come clean. I have a terrible habit of starting and stopping just about everything. There, I said it. Now it is out there for the world to know. What's that line? The first step towards fixing the problem is admitting you have one. I don't know, something like that. I am the self-appointed queen of the "paraphrase".

So anyway, let's cut to the chase. I've been inspired to blog again. To pick up the pen and put it to paper or rather open up my laptop and stroke some keys. I love expressing myself, always have. Just ask my parents who patiently listened, or at least pretended to, as I expounded on how to correct all of the ills of my siblings, our neighborhood and of course the world. My favorite topic to talk about you ask? Even if you didn't, I am going to tell you. Love! I mean what else is there really? Somewhere and somehow, everything boils down to Love. And love involves relationship whether that be with oneself, your sister, your mother or that object of your affection who either may or may not know you exist.

I have a story, stories to tell about my adventures with love, relationships, heartbreak, sorrow and joy. I have had moments where I felt I could never break free from the grips of perpetual aloneness. And I have had times of a joy so pure, I was sure I had seen the opening of Heaven. All of these experiences were always tied to love and relationship.

Here, today, this 3rd day of August in the year of our Lord two thousand and thirteen, I recommit myself to sharing my heart, thoughts, ramblings with all of you. Yes, it did require me to go formal with the year and all of that jazz mostly because I want it to be official and legitimate. Hmmm, I wonder if there is some deep seeded issue under all of that need to validate myself? I'll ponder that later.

Welcome to my blog, aptly titled "jodi's joy" because if one thing I have learned in my 41 years of life, we can not know true joy unless we are familiar with it's opposite.  I am grateful today. Grateful for the opportunity to begin again. Thanks for accompanying me on this journey, pull up a chair, subscribe so you don't miss one juicy detail and tell a friend. Oh and you may want to buckle up your seatbelt because through all of this love, heartbreak, joy stuff, I am developing an incredible courage to tell the truth, the whole truth,  and nothing but the truth, so help me God. And that my friends, is down right, hard core, scary liberating!!

Wishing you joy,

Jodi

Grow up lover girl

Let me introduce myself. I am the woman who all of my friends contact for advice. I am the sounding board, the voice of reason, the go to girl! Let me qualify that statement with this one: I am the lady with the answers to pretty much every thing except L O V E well, at least my own love life!

During a recent conversation with a very good friend I shared "When it comes to romance, I swear I am kindergarten!". She giggled but, didn't disagree.

How did I get so inept at something that comes so naturally to just about everyone else on the planet? Good question. However, the better question is this, how do I graduate and move forward?

In Kindergarten, you learn the basics, letter and number recognition, beginning phonics and the art of making friends. This is where foundation is laid for everything else you are taught in life. It was scary entering Kindergarten but, it was just as scary exiting and graduating to big kid world. No more separate play ground, no more half day schedule and no more tracing letters. Welcome to the big time Kid. But I did it. I made it through. I took a chance and I passed. Over and over again, grade after grade, I passed!

Okay so I am more like a grade school drop out when it comes to love. That's it! Somewhere along my love life path, I quit. I gave up. I decided that it was easier to remain in the land of "See Jane run" rather than open myself, push myself to explore beyond my comfort zone.

Today a very good friend of mine said to me "How come you are always giving advice to everyone else on their love life but, you don't apply any of it to yourself?". I just sat there. I heard her. I stared blankly at nothing. She took that as an invitation to continue. "Jodi, we are all scared. We all had to take a risk, take the plunge and hope for the best. This is just ridiculous now. Why are you choosing to stay single?".

In that moment I thought of one my favorite movie lines of all time from
The Wedding Date (go figure):

"When you are ready to be unsingle and unmiserable you will. Till then...".

Oh this line is brilliant! When I am ready to graduate and move forward, I will.

Welcome to my blog. Some of you may be loyal readers others may be brand new. Whomever you are, wherever you are...Welcome! I do hope you enjoy the ride!

Peace and Bliss,
Jodi

My compartmentalized life

My first Attempt at Bento

Years ago, about 26 to be exact, I became fascinated with Bento Boxes. The Japanese lunch containers which keep food items separated, proportioned and neatly packaged intrigued me. How could food look so cute and be so delicious? Wow! In recent years, I began collecting all sorts of shapes and sizes with the intention of one day mastering the art (and truly it is) of the bento. I learned that the authentic containers were sized according to gender. The boxes were designated for portion control for either men or women.

Isn't it amazing how ordinary things can be made beautiful?

As I prepared the food, cutting, rolling, sprinkling I found myself enjoying the attention to detail. I carefully filled the little pink sauce containers, arranged the items as they spoke to me, covered the container and placed it in my refrigerator for the next day's lunch. I was obviously was so proud of this accomplishment that I took a picture of it! I left my kitchen with a sense of satisfaction of how neatly organized a meal can be. Everything in it's place.

As I laid in my bed that night, I thought about the angle I would use in my Real Woman Real Food Blog. This is a photo of food so surely it belongs in my separate blog pertaining to exercise and food choices. Wait, why am I writing three, yes 3 different blogs? Originally, I think my logic had something to do with separating my life into different parts, somehow believing that one area is not related nor does it influence the other. Somewhere along my life's time line, I learned that my fitness, my spirituality, my motherhood, my likes and my romantic relationships were separate. I managed to compartmentalize my life.

Now I see things a bit differently. 

The areas in which I feel accomplished such as education, socializing, my ability to communicate, I bring to the forefront of my personality. I proudly display these strengths like enlarged family photos in the entry way of a home. My other traits which have remained slightly underdeveloped most likely from under use, I keep carefully wrapped and hidden in the attic or the basement depending on my mood. Occasionally, I may dust them off and try them on for nostalgia's sake like an old pair of metal roller skates.

One area I actually purposefully strive to keep hidden, separated and under wraps is my romantic life. The WHY of that will be explored in another post at a later time. I am not sure I am ready to deal with the emotions attached to why. So, I will begin with describing the what. Inspite of not getting the results that I want, I find a strange sense of comfort in remaining "safe" behind my walls. I am the woman who will find a reason, albeit subconsciously (most of the time) to keep love blocked from life.  It may have seemed obvious to some of you that know me but, I just learned this about myself. Verbally, if asked, I could articulately describe the type of relationship I desire and the characteristics that I find most attractive. However, when what is in my head moves to real life, it's a whole different story. 

Just so I know there will not be any cross contamination in my neatly compartmentalized life, I make most men my best friend. I remove all possibility of romance as I elect to be and convince them that I am prepared to be his life coach, his cheerleader, or his therapist! But please oh please sir, do not make this uncomfortable by hinting at any type of romantic interest. Do I want to be alone for the rest of my life? Um no! Is this kind of crazy(used very loosely)? Um yes!

We can easily surmise that I separate love because it feels safer, it keeps me protected from the possibility of being hurt, it's the result of divorce or little girls who aren't raised by their natural fathers. It could be all of those things or none of those things. At one time, I was so burdened with figuring out the WHY that I went to counseling. After a very teary and difficult sharing of my love blockage, I waited for the therapist to give me psychological permission to blame my ex-husband, my father or my mother. That would make me feel better right? The blame must lie somewhere. There has to be some source of this issue. Instead, she looked me in the eye and matter of factly stated, "I am not so much interested in exploring why you have the walls but rather, why you suddenly are aware that you no longer need them." 

Wishing you a life filled with love and bliss,

Jodi

The Walking Dead

Let's start at the end and not waste words....

I buried my love life a decade ago

My great-great-great grandfather's grave site (Opelousas, LA)

This will most likely be the most challenging yet honest post I will ever write.

So, this morning started out like any other Sunday. I was finally able to catch Oprah's Soul Sunday. I watched about an hour, got a healthy dose of inspiration and proceeded to get ready for church. I replayed a few conversations in my mind which occurred the day before while styling my hair. I am always amazed when the simple seemingly insignificant moments of life turn your world upside down. I was caught off guard by a statement made. Me, the woman who can usually hold her own when it comes to expressing herself, stood there stumped. Not knowing how to respond, I grabbed for straws, with a really messy attempt at diverting the conversation. I will keep what was said to myself, at least for now. But trust when I say, this threw a wrench in my neatly packaged life.

Heading out the door, I grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge when I heard/felt/thought the following: You have allowed love to die in your life. You closed the book, shut the door, ended that chapter a long time ago. Oh yes, in other areas you live adventurously open to new possibilities, new landscapes, new ideas. But in the romantic love department, you are shut down, a walking zombie. So in true Jodi fashion I begin reasoning with this revelation. Um, how can you say I am closed off? Why would someone who prays for God to send the right person into her life commit romantic murder? I am appalled. This is ridiculous. Stupefied, I just stand there for a minute. I feel the tears welling, I stop them and say "not now, I'm late. This is no time for an Aha moment". Can we say 'control issues'. No need to further reason. 

Photo from Lonely Planet

There is no denying the truth. This revelation built a bridge. Now, I must decide if I am willing to do the work and walk over. I used to make fun of people still dressed in a terribly outdated get up. You know the women still fixated on 1983 hoping to recapture when they felt their sexy best. I just want to yell out "you are invited to join us in 2011"! That was until this morning when I was not so subtly reminded that I am literally stuck in the grief of my disappointment in love. Simultaneously vowing to never get hurt again and convincing myself that I am ready to open my heart, I sit here waiting, talking the talk but surely not walking the walk.

I can normally conclude each post with some great lesson learned. But this journey will be a process. My heart was not disappointed and broken over night so there is a very good chance the healing won't be either. This does not mean that I will stop approaching each day with joy and hope. It just means that I recognize that some things were never meant to be rushed. Somewhere we have learned that time is a bad thing. Microwaves, high speed internet, diet pills and plastic surgery have many of us thinking that everything must happen quickly. 

Photo from Parent Vortex

I am committing to surrendering to the process, to my journey, to the Aha moments. What I know for sure is that weaping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning. This will be a good ride. I trust my guide (the Holy Spirit) and I trust myself. Holding onto the pain of disappointment no longer serves me. Bitterness has no place in my future. Life is too good to just exist in any area. With courage, I will walk boldly into my future. With gratitude, I will LIVE in the moment and experience the joy of each person who crosses my path. And with understanding, I will connect the parts of my past to my happily ever after like stepping stones.

I am not anxious about the work that lies ahead. I think Maya Angelou states it best. “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” I will not be overwhelmed by what lies ahead. Life is full of twists and turns. Lean with it, learn to bend. I am confident in my strong foundation. My faith will make me whole. 

Quotes I will live by:

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” 

“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. ”

Blessings for your journey,

Jodi