I peddle joy as a side hustle.
I named myself @jodisjoy on my social media outlets. My original intention was to post experiences of finding joy in the everyday. The concept is great, seemed simple enough, however I had no idea that walking it out would present its own challenges.
So here I am, on the eve of the season of miracles and the most wonderful time of the year teetering between sorrow and a quiet stupor. I'm tip toeing through this holiday season trying not to wish these days away, but definitely not spreading much holiday cheer.
So, here I am.
I am in my season of firsts after my Mom's passing. It's an interesting time to say the least. Kind of feels like learning to walk, if only I could remember what it felt like to learn to walk. Had this thought today: People, albeit well intentioned souls, want you to process your grief like a bad break-up with an ex-love. Cry it out, and get over it. Religious folks want you to give thanks to God and use the fact that your loved one is in a better place to just push past. Praise it out and get over it. No matter the path, others need the grief gone so that life as they like it can resume.
After some losses, there is no resuming. All that remains is the option to build anew. Sifting through the ruble of emotions, I find small graces that pull me along the path.
As I write this, I hear my son and his friend exchanging Christmas presents downstairs. There's light chatter peppered with laughter. Sounds of life. In this moment, I am smiling. There is hope.
Xoxo,
Jodi
