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| My first Attempt at Bento |
Isn't it amazing how ordinary things can be made beautiful?
As I prepared the food, cutting, rolling, sprinkling I found myself enjoying the attention to detail. I carefully filled the little pink sauce containers, arranged the items as they spoke to me, covered the container and placed it in my refrigerator for the next day's lunch. I was obviously was so proud of this accomplishment that I took a picture of it! I left my kitchen with a sense of satisfaction of how neatly organized a meal can be. Everything in it's place.
As I laid in my bed that night, I thought about the angle I would use in my Real Woman Real Food Blog. This is a photo of food so surely it belongs in my separate blog pertaining to exercise and food choices. Wait, why am I writing three, yes 3 different blogs? Originally, I think my logic had something to do with separating my life into different parts, somehow believing that one area is not related nor does it influence the other. Somewhere along my life's time line, I learned that my fitness, my spirituality, my motherhood, my likes and my romantic relationships were separate. I managed to compartmentalize my life.
Now I see things a bit differently.
The areas in which I feel accomplished such as education, socializing, my ability to communicate, I bring to the forefront of my personality. I proudly display these strengths like enlarged family photos in the entry way of a home. My other traits which have remained slightly underdeveloped most likely from under use, I keep carefully wrapped and hidden in the attic or the basement depending on my mood. Occasionally, I may dust them off and try them on for nostalgia's sake like an old pair of metal roller skates.
One area I actually purposefully strive to keep hidden, separated and under wraps is my romantic life. The WHY of that will be explored in another post at a later time. I am not sure I am ready to deal with the emotions attached to why. So, I will begin with describing the what. Inspite of not getting the results that I want, I find a strange sense of comfort in remaining "safe" behind my walls. I am the woman who will find a reason, albeit subconsciously (most of the time) to keep love blocked from life. It may have seemed obvious to some of you that know me but, I just learned this about myself. Verbally, if asked, I could articulately describe the type of relationship I desire and the characteristics that I find most attractive. However, when what is in my head moves to real life, it's a whole different story.
Just so I know there will not be any cross contamination in my neatly compartmentalized life, I make most men my best friend. I remove all possibility of romance as I elect to be and convince them that I am prepared to be his life coach, his cheerleader, or his therapist! But please oh please sir, do not make this uncomfortable by hinting at any type of romantic interest. Do I want to be alone for the rest of my life? Um no! Is this kind of crazy(used very loosely)? Um yes!
We can easily surmise that I separate love because it feels safer, it keeps me protected from the possibility of being hurt, it's the result of divorce or little girls who aren't raised by their natural fathers. It could be all of those things or none of those things. At one time, I was so burdened with figuring out the WHY that I went to counseling. After a very teary and difficult sharing of my love blockage, I waited for the therapist to give me psychological permission to blame my ex-husband, my father or my mother. That would make me feel better right? The blame must lie somewhere. There has to be some source of this issue. Instead, she looked me in the eye and matter of factly stated, "I am not so much interested in exploring why you have the walls but rather, why you suddenly are aware that you no longer need them."
Wishing you a life filled with love and bliss,
Jodi
