Grow up lover girl

Let me introduce myself. I am the woman who all of my friends contact for advice. I am the sounding board, the voice of reason, the go to girl! Let me qualify that statement with this one: I am the lady with the answers to pretty much every thing except L O V E well, at least my own love life!

During a recent conversation with a very good friend I shared "When it comes to romance, I swear I am kindergarten!". She giggled but, didn't disagree.

How did I get so inept at something that comes so naturally to just about everyone else on the planet? Good question. However, the better question is this, how do I graduate and move forward?

In Kindergarten, you learn the basics, letter and number recognition, beginning phonics and the art of making friends. This is where foundation is laid for everything else you are taught in life. It was scary entering Kindergarten but, it was just as scary exiting and graduating to big kid world. No more separate play ground, no more half day schedule and no more tracing letters. Welcome to the big time Kid. But I did it. I made it through. I took a chance and I passed. Over and over again, grade after grade, I passed!

Okay so I am more like a grade school drop out when it comes to love. That's it! Somewhere along my love life path, I quit. I gave up. I decided that it was easier to remain in the land of "See Jane run" rather than open myself, push myself to explore beyond my comfort zone.

Today a very good friend of mine said to me "How come you are always giving advice to everyone else on their love life but, you don't apply any of it to yourself?". I just sat there. I heard her. I stared blankly at nothing. She took that as an invitation to continue. "Jodi, we are all scared. We all had to take a risk, take the plunge and hope for the best. This is just ridiculous now. Why are you choosing to stay single?".

In that moment I thought of one my favorite movie lines of all time from
The Wedding Date (go figure):

"When you are ready to be unsingle and unmiserable you will. Till then...".

Oh this line is brilliant! When I am ready to graduate and move forward, I will.

Welcome to my blog. Some of you may be loyal readers others may be brand new. Whomever you are, wherever you are...Welcome! I do hope you enjoy the ride!

Peace and Bliss,
Jodi

My compartmentalized life

My first Attempt at Bento

Years ago, about 26 to be exact, I became fascinated with Bento Boxes. The Japanese lunch containers which keep food items separated, proportioned and neatly packaged intrigued me. How could food look so cute and be so delicious? Wow! In recent years, I began collecting all sorts of shapes and sizes with the intention of one day mastering the art (and truly it is) of the bento. I learned that the authentic containers were sized according to gender. The boxes were designated for portion control for either men or women.

Isn't it amazing how ordinary things can be made beautiful?

As I prepared the food, cutting, rolling, sprinkling I found myself enjoying the attention to detail. I carefully filled the little pink sauce containers, arranged the items as they spoke to me, covered the container and placed it in my refrigerator for the next day's lunch. I was obviously was so proud of this accomplishment that I took a picture of it! I left my kitchen with a sense of satisfaction of how neatly organized a meal can be. Everything in it's place.

As I laid in my bed that night, I thought about the angle I would use in my Real Woman Real Food Blog. This is a photo of food so surely it belongs in my separate blog pertaining to exercise and food choices. Wait, why am I writing three, yes 3 different blogs? Originally, I think my logic had something to do with separating my life into different parts, somehow believing that one area is not related nor does it influence the other. Somewhere along my life's time line, I learned that my fitness, my spirituality, my motherhood, my likes and my romantic relationships were separate. I managed to compartmentalize my life.

Now I see things a bit differently. 

The areas in which I feel accomplished such as education, socializing, my ability to communicate, I bring to the forefront of my personality. I proudly display these strengths like enlarged family photos in the entry way of a home. My other traits which have remained slightly underdeveloped most likely from under use, I keep carefully wrapped and hidden in the attic or the basement depending on my mood. Occasionally, I may dust them off and try them on for nostalgia's sake like an old pair of metal roller skates.

One area I actually purposefully strive to keep hidden, separated and under wraps is my romantic life. The WHY of that will be explored in another post at a later time. I am not sure I am ready to deal with the emotions attached to why. So, I will begin with describing the what. Inspite of not getting the results that I want, I find a strange sense of comfort in remaining "safe" behind my walls. I am the woman who will find a reason, albeit subconsciously (most of the time) to keep love blocked from life.  It may have seemed obvious to some of you that know me but, I just learned this about myself. Verbally, if asked, I could articulately describe the type of relationship I desire and the characteristics that I find most attractive. However, when what is in my head moves to real life, it's a whole different story. 

Just so I know there will not be any cross contamination in my neatly compartmentalized life, I make most men my best friend. I remove all possibility of romance as I elect to be and convince them that I am prepared to be his life coach, his cheerleader, or his therapist! But please oh please sir, do not make this uncomfortable by hinting at any type of romantic interest. Do I want to be alone for the rest of my life? Um no! Is this kind of crazy(used very loosely)? Um yes!

We can easily surmise that I separate love because it feels safer, it keeps me protected from the possibility of being hurt, it's the result of divorce or little girls who aren't raised by their natural fathers. It could be all of those things or none of those things. At one time, I was so burdened with figuring out the WHY that I went to counseling. After a very teary and difficult sharing of my love blockage, I waited for the therapist to give me psychological permission to blame my ex-husband, my father or my mother. That would make me feel better right? The blame must lie somewhere. There has to be some source of this issue. Instead, she looked me in the eye and matter of factly stated, "I am not so much interested in exploring why you have the walls but rather, why you suddenly are aware that you no longer need them." 

Wishing you a life filled with love and bliss,

Jodi