Confessions of a former Hopeless Romantic

     For the past 5 weeks I have been saying this line "I am so bored in my life right now"! As if I am waiting for someone, something, somehow to come save me from my dreadful misery. Normally I would simply snap out of this mental torment by planning a trip local or otherwise to ESCAPE the drudgery of my everyday existence. However, this time, in this place, in this moment not even daydreams about my upcoming trip to Boston could soothe this emptiness. I am usually so good at freeing myself and helping others to do the same but, I could not shake it. What's a girl to do?
   I asked my friends to pray for me. I let them know "something is not quite right". I read self help books. I even resorted to taking more Facebook quizzes! Talk about desperate! Last week in hopes of forgetting my woes 'cause obviously I wasn't finding a cure, I decided to go out with some coworkers after work to celebrate Riverside County's Furlough Fridays. I mean isn't that what Happy Hour is all about? Oh, what a great time was had by all..I assume..at the very least I knew I was feeling pretty right. I can not remember the last time I laughed that hard, enjoyed margaritas that much and felt that empowered. Ok, I could just blame it on the al-al-alco-alcohol or the 4 inch stilettos I was rockin' but I was actually starting to realize some things about my patterns that had nothing to do with imbibing.
     This past Thursday, we repeated our social ritual. My very good friend, Chief Collins is leaving for Afghanistan for just under a year. Now Chief is quite a character. Although his wife Denise and I started as coworkers, we instantly became sister girlfriends and I guess he came as part of the package. They are a no nonsense couple who definitely live life to the fullest. Life of the party is quite the understatement. This night I decided to pretty much drink water and watch from the sidelines. And that's when it happened.
     Daniel and I sat in a booth just shooting the breeze and people watching, sizing them up. I mean career, number of children, marital status, lifestyle, income and education levels. We actually got to verify our assumptions with one of our unsuspecting victims. Sure enough..almost 100%! Then Chief turns to me and says "You Gotta Man?". Oh that question! Crazy, I hated the question just as much when I was married. Now, mind you I already knew that Daniel knows I am single. Come on, I spend 9 hours a day sitting directly across from his wife. But, I went along with it. After singing the chorus from Yoyo's "What your man gotta do with me", I replied "um no"! Chief replies "Ok, Jo when I get back from Afghanistan, I'm going to need a mission so I am making it my personal job to find one for you".
     My knee-jerk reaction was to thank him for his concern but then kindly let him know that his services would not be required because I know what type of man I like. And when I meet him, I will know because the clouds will open up and the angels will start singing and he will arrive on a white horse or make that a 2010 Mercedes Benz CLS 500 and wear Boss suits, stylish glasses, say all the right things, be self-evolved, well traveled, well read, speak a 2nd language, eat Morrocan food and be offended by anything crass. But, instead I just listened as he marketed his services. Daniel started with the whole men are simple, we like sex..blah, blah,blah, blah. This time I did not tune out, nor take my soap box stance, nor fall into one of my religious psychobabble notions. I just listened without rose colored glasses or prejudices. Observed and listened. He stopped for a moment to compliment one of our coworkers. Let me paraphrase. He said now you see..she's (name withheld to protect the innocent) a pimp(meant to infer that she has game and is in control). She's in her 50's at a stage where if you like her great if you don't it doesn't phase her. She's married and has that whole gig on lock. She has charm, personality and her vibe is cool. According to the Urban Dictionary this woman has SWAGGER which "is to move with confidence, sophistication and to be cool". Mos def, Chief was right on. I watched her... intently...more like studied her.
     He turns back to me and says, you're Al Pacino in the Godfather. Is that a compliment? No need to get stuck trying to figure that out. That's a whole blog unto itself. Let's keep it simple. Now the wheels are turning. I've got this man/woman thing all wrong.
     Friday night, I'm home, antsy, no one to go out with including my own sisters. So, I decide to go out with myself. This is not new been doing it for years. Should I admit that? Well, yes, I can't wait to start living. I am confident enough to not need another body to go out into the world. I start by listening to some live jazz, then over to Barnes and Noble to seek answers from more well intentioned authors. 7 steps to a happier you, 9 steps to living your best life, the discovery of a 8th new habit of highly successful people and the list goes on. Okay, you get the point. I start with The Time Travelers Wife (ideal chick flick enables me to keep on the rose colored glasses) left during the movie and decided to go see the Ugly Truth instead. Wow, the truth is not only UGLY but, it can be hard to digest as well. But, it struck a chord or was that a nerve?
     I've been doing this all wrong. I have no swagger. I've been expecting men to behave like my girlfriends. That's not their purpose. I should have learned this years ago. It would have saved me a lot of heartache. Oh well, if he drives a Jeep Wrangler, I don't own a CLS 500. Should I really care if he doesn't like Morrocan food? Maybe I haven't learned to appreciate a mean grilled hot dog and iced cold beer. I can admit that. I'll always have my sister Jen or my girlfriend Sherrill willing to try new culinary delights. So what if he is not already well traveled as long as he is willing to go new places with me. I thought I got rid of this laundry list a long time ago. It's been lingering in the recesses of my mind causing me to view the world, well men, in unnatural light...rose to be exact..rose colored light...DISTORTED!
     So my dear friends, I will keep you posted on my journey. I already have everything I need for this trip. And this time I am leaving the glasses, the laundry lists and psychobabble behind. I will no longer say "I'm Bored" without taking full responsibility for coming up with a solution for it. I am not a hopeless, helpless, naive woman waiting for someone to save her. There's a lot of life in me. I've got some work to do, more lessons to learn and that's the Ugly Truth!